14 September 2014
Sometimes life gets interrupted. You never see it coming–if you did, it wouldn’t be an interruption. I promise I’ll finish the story about the girls and the bike trip, but for the moment, I’m writing about other things. Like the inside of SFO. There are so many people here–it’s incredible how fast the world moves when no one is looking. People are going places all the time, taking journeys, doing their jobs, leaving home and never coming back. I’ll be back. Anne was so funny last night–it’s not like I’m going to Mars. It feels like I am sometimes, but really I’m just 48 short hours from home. Still, sitting here so far I’ve felt:
guilt over leaving
guilt over not wanting to stay
But what do you DO with all this? These emotions are very real, very scary, and very influential. Me, I choose to use them to be productive–I’ll get as much done as I possibly can and smile whenever possible. Eventually I’ll burn out and collapse in a puddle of tears, but that’s just how I roll. How can I have spent so long wanting to leave only to feel so worried about the actual leaving? When did this get so hard? And yet, if I shut my eyes and just relax into it, it’s not nearly so hard. When I’m just me, sitting here listening to music from Jill, I’m doing just fine. We’ll see if it lasts.